Listen To Others Well
A Short Instruction:
The purpose of this kind of article is to practice and validate the Ki principles (Mind moves body) which are the foundation of Ki-Aikido in your daily life. Therefore, it has no meaning if you just read it without practicing it.
The fundamental method of mastering anything is practice. However, not just practice, but it is also important to validate how one has changed as a result of the practice.
It is easy to lose what you have learned without practice. On the other hand, you will never lose what you have learned through practice and validation. Therefore, please read, practice, and validate the contents of my article at least four times within a month.
Ki-Aikido has five principles of Aikido with mind and body unification:
1. Ki is extending
2. Know your opponent’s mind
3. Respect your opponent’s Ki
4. Put yourself in the place of your opponent
5. Perform with confidence
We cannot practice Ki-Aikido without following these principles.
If you try to throw your partner forcefully, partner’s mind will resist. It is very difficult to throw a person whose mind is resisting.
To lead your partner and throw, it is important to interact with your partner in the ways that these five principles suggest.
If you have a selfish mind which says, “I will throw you”, you will collide with your partner. In this case it is impossible to lead your partner. However, if you accept your partner, you can lead him very easily. To know this feeling, it is the best to experience it. Therefore, please attend seminar of H.Q. or a Ki Society near you.
This principle also holds true in every case in your daily life.
For example, let’s say you have something which you want others to understand. If you struggle to convince them, this is as same as throwing others forcefully. Surely their mind will resist. Once their mind has resisted, you cannot lead them any more. This is the same as colliding with others, and you will not be able to throw them.
Even if you have fluency of speech, if you struggle to convince others, they will not try to understand you. If you want others to understand, you must accept them first. Basically, we say “Listen to others first.”
If you say, “Oh, this is and easy thing to do!” then please look more carefully at yourself. Do you really listen to your family and friends well? Does your family or friends agree that you listen to them carefully? Is it possible that only you think you listen to others well, but others do not have this impression?
We human beings do not listen to others as well as we think. Those who realize this will be those who listen well to others.
“Listen to others well” does not mean to just listen to others without words.
When I was small, I often quarreled with my mother. We bickered constantly. Both my mother and I concentrated on making the other understand. Therefore neither of us understood the other. Our quarrels became heavy. We gave my father (Koichi Tohei sensei) a good deal of trouble.
One day, I was called by my father. He told me, “Listen others first. What you want to say is next.” And, father added, “Listen to your mother in silence until she finishes.”
After that, I had a chance to talk with my mother. I remembered my father’s words and actually listened to my mother in silence until the end. However, the result was that my mother got even more angry and I had even more stress. I did what my father told me, but the situation got worse.
I reported to my father, “I did what you told me, however, the situation get even worse.”
Then, my father said with smile, “That's understandable. It's all over your face that you did not agree with her!”
Then, finally, I began to understand that listening to others means to accept other’s mind. After that, I tried to understand my mother’s words from the heart. As a result, my mother’s preaching became very short. I could lead her well.
My mother is not an easy person. Therefore, sometimes I still failed to lead her. However, there were less quarrels after that.
In this same way, I began to not collide with others when I did Ki-Aikido technique.
To accept and respect the other person’s mind, and so to lead others in our daily life, is as same as throwing others in the dojo.
In this way, I throw others everyday in my daily life, not only in the dojo.
This is the meaning of “have joy when throwing, and have joy when being thrown”.
Let’s practice and validate the following:
First, listen to others well. What you want to say is next. (This means not just to accept their idea, but to fully accept their mind)
The point of validation is:
As a result of listening completely and carefully to others, how does their reaction change?
Can you tell others what you want to say as a result?