Ki and Education (6) “Change Yourself First”

In our mind, there are sometimes selfish thoughts that say “I want to control others to be as I want them to be.” However, if we try to control others, others will react against that control.

In communicating with others, such selfish ideas often appear. When there is a something we don’t like about others, sometimes we try to change them. This is because we hate to change ourselves.

We cannot control another’s mind. The easiest thing to do is to control our own mind.

As in the example of “the mirror image of self”, as told to us since the old days, “you should smile first if you want the mirror image to smile”. Unless the person in front of the mirror smiles, the image in the mirror will never smile. If you want to change others, you should change yourself first.
Since education is primarily communication, the same rule applies.

Occasionally you may try to impose your sense of value on another, even while telling the other that it is because you want to improve their situation. However, that is not “education”. It is “enforcement”.
I always check myself when I am called upon to offer education to our apprentices and staff. And sometimes I notice that I am actually administering enforcements instead of education.

One day, I visited a company to help with the on-the-job training of their members.

This company had 50 employees and one chief executive. The main reason for the on-the-job training request was that the chief executive wanted to motivate the employees to change from a minus mind set to plus.

In just a few minutes after I arrived at the company, I understood the cause of the problem.

What do you think was the problem? The answer is very simple. The chief executive himself used very negative words and behavior.

On the outside, this person was very friendly. But in the office, this same person was negative in addition to being very strict. This person knitted his brows and demanded attention with an aggravated voice.
Even watching from the side, it was very frightening.

The chief executive thought he did this to inspire the hearts and souls of his employees. And actually it is better for the chief executive to direct some attention to the employees, than to not say anything at all．But if the employees received only negative attention all the time, eventually they will not put up with this.

At the on-the-job training, the employees partnered with each other and experienced how their motivation was affected with plus words and minus words. This chief executive was a very diligent person, so he noticed the difference immediately.

“Sensei, I see now that I was the cause of negative mind set of the company.”

Recently, a young junior high school teacher came to my session and said “My students do not greet each other with respect”. Then this teacher asked “How can I help the students improve in this way?”

Then I asked him, “How do you greet the students?” I found out that he waited for the students’ to greet him properly, before he greeted them. Do you see the problem? Instead, this person should direct his positive attention to student first. Then the student will become accustomed to greeting properly.　This process is important.

You might think “this is nothing special". But everyone tends to make this kind of mistake.
Because of hoping to make the company better, many people are gripped by the sense of changing others and do not notice to change themselves.

The same thing can happen with parents and children, if parents are caught up in the idea of making children better and yet neglects to set a good example themselves.

In a married couple, the same thing happens if one of them wants to make the other better, and at the same time he or she neglects to change themselves.

In school, often a teacher hopes to make a student better, but forgets to set a positive example. This is also the same thing.

Education is communication. Therefore it is indispensable to change ourself first.
（To be continued）