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September 08, 2005

Ideal Expectations

Let’s characterize the appropriate attitude towards others.

For example, a husband and wife; a husband has and ideal image of his wife. And a wife has an ideal image of her husband.

Similarly, in a company’ the executive officer has an expectation of his workers, and the workers have expectation of him.

This is the same as between parents and children, teachers and students, friends and team mates.

However, we do not share this ideal each other in many cases. We just keep it in our mind. Especially, in Japan, it is virtue to understand each other without words. This virtue is important, but sometimes it becomes a cause of bad human relationships.

This is an example.

A husband considers the role that he should play in home. If his ideal and his wife's expectation are different, the more the husband tries, the more the wife will be discontent with her husband's attitude.

As a result, the husband begins to think that even if he does his best, his wife will not appreciate his efforts and he developes a grievance against his wife. This means both the husband and the wife do not understand each other even if each of them do their best. And there will a be bad relationship between husband and wife.

The only solution is for the husband to share his ideal with his wife and for the wife to similarly share with her husband. Some people think the husband’s role is to work hard at his office, some people think it is to spend time with his family as much as he can. The balance of those is up to each couple.

I often receive marriage counseling questions from my friends. Since I am still young, I do not have much experiences. However, I always tell them to share their ideals with each other. If their ideals are different, they should not fool themselves into believing they are automatically compatible, just because they have romantic feelings.

Many people tend to think that if they get married, their differences will be solved naturally. However, this is difficult if their fundamental thinking is different. On the other hand, if the couple’s thinking is fundamentally the same, other minor problems can be easily overcome.

This is the same as in team work.

A team leader has his ideal expectation of the team members. The team members have their ideal expectation of their leader. Let’s assume that the team leader thinks his role is to show his ability to take action. And the team members think that leader should communicate well with the members. In this case, the more the leader makes an effort, the less the team members appreciate their leader.

The key to success is to share each other's ideal.

Mind moves body. In another words, the state of mind decides the quality of the action. Therefore, it is difficult to change only action. It is important to share your concepts of value with each other, first.

Do you share your ideals with others around you?

Let's practice it together.

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