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July 28, 2005

Reserve the option to “wait” until others change

When we face a problem, we try to find a solution as soon as possible. This may seem necessary, but sometimes this is not the best way to solve your problem.

For example, let’s say you have a problem in a relationship. If you are desperate to perform fence-mending at any cost, the relationship often becomes worse.

Or, let’s say you make a blunder in your work, and as a result, trust and recognition of your ability was reduced. If you are desperate to regain that trust and recognition, you might fall even further.

Let’s say your children, students, or followers have an attitude problem. If you are desperate to solve the problem, the situation may become even worse.

We human beings always feel the need to do something right away when something bad happens. This is because we want to escape from being in the negative situation. We want to remove this unwanted situation as soon as possible. This state of mind causes impatience. And impatience causes us to misjudge what is the correct course of action.

We have all had this kind of experience.

There is an ultimate way to solve a problem, and that is “to wait”. When the situation will just get worse by forcing the action, it is important to step back, look at the situation, and just wait.

However, “wait” does not mean to walk out on a problem. Always extend Ki to the problem, giving it your attention as much as possible, and wait calmly. Usually the situation will change naturally. “Time is on your side in many cases”.

To be able to wait, we need a strong mind, that is, the state of calmness in our mind. If ()our mind becomes even a little weak, then we will feel we need to do something to feel at ease.

As stated in the above example, when you have a problem in human relationship, not only apologize to other person, but be sure to change what you have done wrong. Then it is important to wait until other person’s state of mind changes. If you want the other person to forgive you first, and forget to correct yourself, the relationship will be worse.

When you make a blunder in your work and you feel that the trust and recognition of your ability has come down, it is important to change your wrong attitude, and not just through words. It is useless to exert yourself to please others around you in an effort to correct their bad impression of you . Instead, just wait. It might take some time, but this is actually the fastest way to recover your trust and recognition.

When your children, students, or followers have an attitude problem, it is important for you to treat them with positive mind and wait until they realize their mistake by themselves. We need some time to realize things. Therefore, it is important to await their realization. If you try to change others as you wish, the situation will always get worse.

Some people may be worried, “Even if I wait and wait, if other person does not change, what should I do?” This way of thinking is the biggest reason why it is difficult for you to wait.

I will repeat, because this is important; “wait” does not mean to walk out on a problem. You should not try to change others first, but you do whatever you can, and wait until other person’s realization changes. Just as with your state of mind, others state of mind also need some time to change.

By learning to calm your mind in your daily life, you will be able to control your mind, and you will always have the option to wait.

Let’s study together.

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